Motherhood as a Portal for Intergenerational Healing and Self-Evolution
My Journey of Surrendering to the Path of Conscious Motherhood
When we talk about healing… what exactly are we talking about? We are referring to intergenerational healing, and this is not simply rooted in New Age spiritual talk, but scientific evidence that, indeed, across the generations of our family lineages, we carry forth various patterns — some beneficial and others quite harmful.
Intergenerational Trauma refers to the transmission of unresolved emotional wounds, stress responses, and behavioral patterns from one generation to the next. This can occur through both learned behaviors and epigenetic changes — meaning the trauma experienced by our ancestors can shape the way we think, feel, and react, even if we haven’t directly lived through the same events.
I began recognizing I had some core patterns I didn’t find supportive of the vision of who I wanted to embody after becoming a mother and wife.
My first trigger came through deciding how I wanted to birth, recognizing that I had no trust in the doctor who was giving me my initial check-up and who had some racist and age-discriminative vibes to her. I was about 20 years old but looked younger, and she was very dismissive during the check-up, as if making some preconceived ideology of me and my life circumstances.
Being freshly integrated into American society, I was not too familiar with the socioeconomic landscape, but research accompanied by my common sense and intuition gave me the clarity I needed surrounding the systemic issues of racism and discrimination.
I didn’t feel safe or honored, and so after the check-up, I made a major decision…
I would seek other birthing options… specifically, I would choose to birth naturally and without the hospital system. It wasn’t just about this one doctor; it was my awareness tingling as I began to recognize a collective disconnect from the sacred cycles of bringing life into the Earth.
2020: Living in Tampa, Florida as a stay-at-home mother to my first child, diving deeper into esoteric history and using divination tools like tarot to uncover the layers of one’s journey.
This journey of preparing for my first child catalyzed a major development within me, all around. In a matter of months, I shifted from the teenager who had just left her native island, migrated to live with my dad, and hadn’t yet developed my inner authority - to a wife and mother who needed to now seek the best options for her child. With that, my growing awareness of the subtle matrix that created this robotic way of operating in America made it feel like I was isolated in my decisions.
The common realities I saw, especially within my socioeconomic and racial profile, revolved around the storyline of choosing to work a 9-5, leaving one’s child in daycare due to having no other option, single parenthood, poor dietary habits, and living a very unfulfilled life of barely scraping by. And I was on a much different path ~by choice~ of surrendering to a seemingly old-fashioned way of living, loving, and mothering.
I became a stay-at-home mother and gave up my 9-5 not because this was some grand plan I had as a young girl of being a trad-wife and mom, but because it made practical sense and felt right to stay home with my baby. As my husband and I recognized the realities of our distrust in anyone caring for our child and our lack of a family-oriented village, we began to strategize in a way that centered around the well-being of our child, and this opened up a path of us consciously navigating our marriage dynamic. A big part to me being able to embark on my path of present and conscious mother -the balance that contributing to the building of our family’s foundation- was that I had a husband who chose this with me and accepted the heavy weight of providing for a family without a sustainable income. We both, having taken responsibility for the results of our actions of love and passion, began to strategize to survive a challenging system.
For over four years, I surrendered to mothering in a form of modern isolation, as my husband balanced ensuring he was earning a steady income to provide for our needs and also being present to actually learn the ropes of being a husband and father, alongside me as I deepened in learning for to be a mother - a journey that is a process of lifelong mastering for couples and parents.
In this sacred space of isolation, I became more aware. I researched and observed. I discussed what I was learning with my husband. I experimented with new ways of living ~ in terms of my daily practices. I had no friends - literally. I had no school or family background in Tampa, so I spent my entire time cultivating my inner landscape as a wife and mother, and also recognized the necessity of never forgetting myself as a woman… and that creative inner child as well.
Truly, through this path… I became re-invested in writing ~ a natural skill I had honed for many years and used as an outlet for emotional processing as a teenager. I began to write, not just for myself but to connect with others virtually. The virtual world became a type of community space for me, and I was recognizing that there were others on this similar path of… awakening & expanding their consciousness.
Those four years of isolated modern motherhood in America catalyzed my religious deconstruction and self-worth building journey.
Those four years brought enlightenment.
Those four years triggered some deeply ancestral wounds, but with that came my ability to choose a better path, as I recognized I wasn’t satisfied with the way many things were done ~ these family life, motherhood, and societal norms just weren’t cutting it for me.
Motherhood became my portal for healing, and quite literally, I began to think back to how I had seen motherhood displayed as a youth.
I recognized that abuse had been normalized. I recognized that many mothers were burnt out and made a norm out of self-neglect.
I recognized that many people’s creative spark ~ that primal and divine essence that allows us to create in the likeness of Source Creator - or God - had been killed or just severely undernourished, and …
I realized so many people like me ~ descending from once-enslaved bloodlines ~ did not understand who or what this essence of God is and how we connect to it.
In my mind, motherhood is a portal to deeply connect to our God-essence… and it is humbling. God/Goddess is the greatest server. This is the Source of Divine Creative Energy ~ the Great Creator, reflected in many forms but rooted, always, in that organic process of creation ~ planting seeds/procreation, nurturing the seeds/growth, birthing the seeds, nourishing to the bloom/harvest cycles, and returning to a state of rest or death to rebirth once again, from the remaining seeds that came from the fruits that the hard work bore… it’s a continuous cycle, and mothers are central, just as Mother Nature is central.
Our world, rooted in patriarchy, has successfully managed to program girls, women, and mothers to believe we are inferior - and not only that… many cultures of the world have been rooted in systems of abuse, neglect, and undervaluing of women. It is taught to young girls that we are inferior, so then when we grow… we do not know our purpose… and how we were designed to lead ~ not from a hierarchical space but a communal and love-based foundation.
We, having the womb of creation, are great teachers, creators, oracles, etc… but none of these primal roles can activate and be nurtured in a society or family rooted in patriarchal principles stemming from a history of orchestrated systemic oppression rooted in classism, racism, and misogyny.
Motherhood is a portal of healing… and this work is not rooted in some fairy fantasy but real deep work ~karmic healing~ and it will look different for each of us because of our socioeconomic backgrounds, though on a whole, we are all called to doing this sacred work of womb healing, divine feminine activation, intergenerational healing … etc.
For me, a Black, Jamaican-conscious mother… I have had to address a lot of root chakra, survival, and self-worth-based wounds… and this is what my work has centered around, and my journey is still going. There is a lot of work to be done in all the areas of life aligned with the chakras, but I’ve recognized that without the root being healed, we can’t really do the wholesome work needed on the other areas of life—we need to be able to survive, strive, and, ultimately, thrive to embody our full capabilities. We need nourishment and stability, as is the symbolism of the healthy womb that nourishes and sustains the life of the baby in a stable environment.
I give thanks for the last nine years of my journey and the growth I have been blessed with… this work is reclamation work as we reclaim our primal essence as women and mothers, and each of us conscious women and mothers have a destiny to cultivate healthier, organic realities in our lineages.
This work will build us, break us, inspire us, burn us, purify us ~ evolve us.
I am so excited to be on this journey and to witness other mamas on this journey, so if you, too, resonate with such a path… I encourage you to show up and speak up and use these digital spaces to share your truths so we can find one another.
To access more of my sacred writings in the form of poems, reflections and audio recordings on the healing journeys of motherhood, I invite you to become a paid subscriber here on Makeda’s Matrix.
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A Special Note/Request
Using digital for virtual community building and business development ~ especially through platforms like Substack, Instagram, and Ko-fi ~ has truly supported me in providing for my family over these past few years. Since transitioning to off-grid living and starting from scratch after a financial crisis, digital work has become my only current way of generating income to sustain my family, as a full-time mother.
Prior to these cycles, while living in America, I was a full-time stay-at-home mother and my husband was the full provider for all our financial needs. Things shifted radically in our financial dynamics when we moved back to my home island, Jamaica, and experienced the difficulties of building our entrepreneurial careers.
Despite the pressures of navigating Jamaica’s challenging socioeconomic environment as full-time parents and a family unit, I recognize the blessing in having access to digital and virtual community.
With that, I also acknowledge my husband’s efforts in providing in other ways ~ outside of the traditional exchange of money. This is important to name because cycles come when our roles and experiences in family life shift. I am deeply blessed by my husband’s work on our developing land and in our home ~ it is valuable beyond measure. His efforts in cultivating organic greens, fetching water daily, and traveling for resources are not compensated financially, but they are the backbone of our survival at this time.
Together, we are navigating unfamiliar paths, but we remain rooted in partnership and committed to finding sustainable solutions.
That being said, as my husband continues to grow his local organic produce business, my digital revenue ~ through tips, donations, and payments for my offerings ~ has been a major contributor to us purchasing basic food, hygiene, and household items. Every bit of support literally supports our family’s sustenance.
I recognize this access to digital as revolutionary for me, as a mother choosing to remain home and be fully present with my children.
Neither my mother nor grandmothers had this access — to use their words, images, and presence to support themselves and their families while mothering.
This path of digital, self-promoted work has empowered me in my mission of breaking generational cycles of systemic poverty and unnatural labor that leads to burnout and low-quality living.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Thank you for receiving my words.
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