A Conscious Caribbean Union: Facing the Shadows, Holding the Light
Navigating financial hardship while remaining rooted in conscious love, parenting, and the sacred work of family building.
I sit here on the floor of our humble, one-room rural home ~built and once lived in by my late grandpa, here in Jamaica~ watching my children and husband after our evening lunch. I feel deeply grateful: grateful that we had the ability to share a nourishing meal as a family, that we have a safe space to dwell in, that our children have us ~both parents~ present. Despite all the challenges, we remain rooted in love.
As I sit here with my husband, speaking openly about the growing “relationship wars” between men and women trending in the world, I find myself reflecting on our union ~now over nine years strong. I’m thinking about how our relationship has become a catalyst and vehicle for our personal spiritual evolution. Through this marriage and family life, we’ve become more aware of ourselves, our origins, and the collective state of consciousness.
In this union, we became parents - and was naturally driven to create a life that offered our children better daily routines and experiences than we had growing up. In this union, we became conscious of our individual, self-defeating patterns rooted in subconscious intergenerational trauma. And in this union, we began to question and confront the beliefs and principles shaped by societal dogmas ~those rooted in colonialism, racism, and misogyny.
This union, in many ways, became an awakening portal for me. Between the ages of 19 and 29, my consciousness expanded in profound ways ~leading me to this moment, sitting here now with my partner and growing family.
And yet, what stood out to me today, as I reflect on the past few years of financial trials, is how easy it was to enjoy our union ~and to overlook certain character flaws in one another~ when our finances were steady. And how deeply testing it became when our financial foundation began to crumble, eventually disappearing altogether as we found ourselves starting from scratch, off-grid, with young children.
I recognize these experiences as cycles of growth ~growth through discomfort. And I know, deep within, that this is part of the journey of expanding consciousness and activating soul purpose. And still ~living through it has not been easy.
But throughout these cycles, we’ve continued to choose kindness and understanding ~ with that gentle, and sometimes very obvious firm, edge of tough love.
What going through financial struggles did for us was reveal our weak spots ~individually, within our nuclear and extended family units, and within our cultures. We began to recognize just how deeply flawed we all are ~and how deeply flawed the systems we’ve become codependent on truly are. What we saw triggered us deeply.
Living together in a small space meant we had to confront each other ~daily. Every fear I had would bounce off my husband, often showing up as anxiety, worry, or anger. His fears, in turn, would show up as him being dismissive, angry, annoyed, or lacking empathy. We were both operating from fear, using only the emotional tools we had grown up with. But what Great Spirit, through our life circumstances, was offering us was a chance: the opportunity to tear down the subconscious foundations built on trauma ~and to rebuild from love, powered by emotional intelligence, healthy communication, and deeper understanding.
None of this felt like “divine opportunity” in the moment ~it felt like struggle. But I started to recognize that I was simply living out patterns I had witnessed in my family and community: the breakdowns in communication, the blaming when solutions were unclear, the anxiety that surfaces when resources run low, the inability to truly value each other’s contributions ~rooted in subconscious wounds around self-worth.
I was now living the very real cycles of intergenerational struggle that had defeated so many in my lineage. And I had a choice: would I repeat the pattern, or apply the knowledge I had spent years gaining? Would I, the one who always led the charge when it came to researching emotional intelligence and healing, also lead with gentleness? And when needed, would I be courageous enough to lead with fierce love ~setting necessary boundaries to break the patterns of comfort and avoidance?
Because the truth is, from the beginning, we weren’t only attracted to the light in each other ~we were magnetized by the shadows too.
What I’ve learned throughout my years of psychospiritual studies on relationships is that we often bond through trauma ~and yet, even this has a divine purpose. While we may be drawn to each other through our inner child’s subconscious desire for the familiar and the comforting, these connections can also become powerful opportunities to confront destructive patterns as a unit and rise together. This is the real work of conscious living, loving, marriage, relationships, parenting, and family and community building.
Living consciously simply means choosing to stay present when challenges arise ~and using the tools we’ve been gathering to work through them. The thing is, it can become frustrating. The work isn’t an overnight process ~it unfolds in cycles and phases that stretch across years, especially when a union is formed for the deeper purpose of confronting family karma rooted in trauma, and manifesting as low-frequency realities.
For my husband and me, we began our journey under the umbrella of the American system which, despite its flaws, offered certain conveniences ~ access to infrastructure and government systems that eased the pressure of daily living.
But as we deepened into life in a developing country ~ having our systems stripped away, and now navigating the socioeconomic issues rooted in a developing country governmental systems ~ we were forced to face the full weight of responsibility. Every basic resource, from water to shelter, became something we had to provide for ourselves, and this added tension to our relationship and family journey, that was already a very delicate process.
What I’ve come to realize is that the financial breakdown that led us to start from scratch in the rural hills of Jamaica was actually another portal of evolution ~both practical and psycho-spiritual. It has taught us what it truly means to live self-sufficiently and sovereign, while also humbling us to the deeper truth: we are not meant to do this alone.
We’ve come to understand, through both challenge and insight, why community matters. Why support is essential. Why our worldview must shift if we are to truly thrive.
I’ve read it over and over again—by various writers advocating for a more sustainable way forward: we are not meant to be so hyper-independent, we are not meant to live without community, and our societal rhythms are causing severe dysregulation within our human vessels. But having lived through times when we’ve been at our lowest, with absolutely no support except each other, a few things have become crystal clear:
Despite being husband and wife, we cannot depend solely on one another to meet every need ~especially once we begin to procreate. As parents, we require support in raising our children. This is the original purpose of village living: staying close to extended family communities, working together to gather resources, and sustaining households in a way that allows each new generation to flourish while also honoring and nurturing our elders, who hold vital wisdom for survival and thriving. Unfortunately, this reality is non existent for many and especially those coming from severely impoverished family backgrounds- hence a new way forward must be cultivated, to support the cultivation of our conscious families and communities.
We are navigating a parasitic system ~one that is hard to escape and even harder to detox from. It’s rooted in poverty and structured to make it extremely difficult for those seeking a sovereign life ~especially those of us descended from already-impoverished, traumatized lineages~ to break free and thrive.
This is a spiritual mission. Not in the religious sense, but in the primal sense ~reclaiming soulful, sensory, connected living that centers energy, essence, and meaning rather than just material success and pleasure. Life flows in cycles ~joyful and testing~ and each was meant to offer nourishment and growth.
We must strategize, learn, advocate, and build ~even from scratch. We must fight for better ways through the work that enlivens us, no matter the field. The systems we live under are failing us. And the primary solution they offer is surrender: surrender to exploitative labor; surrender to imbalanced, inaccessible education; surrender to reproductive choices shaped by poverty and control. These systems want those who’ve been deliberately kept in poverty to give up~ on creation, on family, on thriving.
In my view, a conscious union is a sacred weapon of the Most High ~manifested to confront and dismantle the oppressive forces embedded in our current world systems. Systems designed to extract the primal, spiritual power of life from our human experiences -so that we become machine-like, disconnected, and disempowered. But we are not machines. We are creators. We are vessels of life itself. And when we honor the full rites of human passage ~birth, development, maturity, soul-aligned work, union, family, and community building~ we protect and extend the future of humanity.
I’m not against “the system” in the sense of working, earning, or building a quality life. I’m against the principles of an ancient patriarchal order that continues to dominate, ensuring that only a few can live well ~based not on spiritual alignment or contribution to community, but on value according to exploitative standards of labor and productivity.
I believe those of us who see this agenda ~who strive to build family life and business rooted in sovereignty, sustainability, and soul~ are warriors of the Most High. And the revolution begins in the self, in our relationships, our households, and our communities.
We must keep fighting ~with clarity, purpose, and love~ as we navigate life consciously.
Thank you for taking the time to read some of my reflections on the journey of conscious living and loving, especially while confronting the oppressive realities of our modern systems ~particularly from the perspective of those coming from or living in marginalized countries and communities.
My work as a writer is my soul work. It reflects my commitment to building a sustainable income stream that supports my family’s journey. This work is revolutionary for me because I am the first in my lineage striving to live and work in this way. It hasn’t come from privilege, but from genuine dedication to staying home to raise, teach, nurture, and nourish my children as a full-time mother. There have been -and continue to be- sacrifices in choosing this path, balancing motherhood with my creative work. But there have also been real moments of alignment, growth, and proof that this path is meaningful.
Now, as my husband embarks on his journey of organic farming here in Jamaica ~driven by lived experiences of food and nutritional insecurity in Jamaica and after years working in the American economy~ we are walking a faith-driven path toward building a more sustainable family life and business rooted in homesteading.
To everyone who supports my work ~whether through tips after reading or simply being part of this virtual village~ thank you, deeply. Your recognition of my work as real, dedicated labor, and your reciprocal support, means everything. These payments provide real, tangible support and help empower me to stay on this path. You are part of my journey to cultivate revolutionary change ~toward more grounded, healthy, and sustainable ways of living, building family, community, and conscious business.
It takes time.
There isn’t yet a large physical community around us.
We are just one family ~ but it starts there.
It begins with the inner knowing, the intuitive nudges that I believe come from the Divine Source, guiding us forward to make the practical shifts and do the deep work necessary for intergenerational healing and organic manifestation.
I choose to show up online because this is what my spirit calls me to do in this moment. I am not here for likes or fame, but to create real-life upgrades and transformations. That is the true power of digital space, and we can choose to use it intentionally.
Every tip and donation is valuable, no matter the size. There is no scale for support ~ only profound gratitude and appreciation for the value of what I do and the empowerment it brings to me and my family.
If you feel called to support, here are my current ways to receive:
CashApp: $MakedaofJamaica
Click here to send a ‘nourishment tip’ via Cashapp
Family Fund: Currently focused on supporting us as we prepare for our third natural birth ~our first time birthing fully off-grid. Donations will go toward gathering essential resources for the birth itself, as well as food, household and living supplies to help create a deeply nourishing postpartum period
Click here to send birth and postpartum support to our kofi Family Fund.
I’m struggling with what to say, the two of you have an awesome responsibility. My grandmother had 5 children on a small rented farm in south Alabama, no electricity, no in door plumbing and not by choice. All 5 left to find work in towns as soon as they could walk away on their on, all around 15 years old. My mother worked in a drug store cafe making biscuits for the local sawmill workers and lived upstairs. She went on to have a successful career eventually retiring from a government job. None of the 5 children ever went back to the farm, they all worked hard in various industries. I think their children, my cousins have all been hard workers. That trauma filled start in life set them up to push for security. I say this not to look for sympathy but to show that I understand where you are in your journey. I love your attitude and I wish you much luck and success. You must have electricity and internet so that’s something.
I found what you wrote to be beautiful and wise. I look forward to reading more from you. Sending you and your family love.